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It is a sad story. But unlike the story of Romeo and Juliet it is a story that is never told. No one talks about those young lovers. No one sheds tears for them. Not only they were buried, their memories were also buried as if they never existed - their tender love was a shame to others - a shame that had to be washed with blood. But the saddest part is that according to Islam my sister deserved that death. The elders were sure she would be burning in Hell for eternity. No, I can't imagine that God can send someone to Hell for loving and for being happy. I can't accept a cruel God. Now back to my life. When I turned 18, I was married off to a Turkish businessman from Germany. When I came to Germany I found out that he had another wife. He is not a bad man at all. He is very kind, but he is a Muslim. He doesnt understand why Europeans dont like polygamy, for instance. He doesnt allow us to leave the home. He protects our honour in this strange way. Then we moved to the UK. Here we are even more isolated than in Germany because there are fewer Turks. In Germany we at least could meet our fellow expats. As for my relationship with my husband's first wife, we are friends. There is some rivalry between us, thats for sure. But I am alone and cant meet anyone or leave home. Her life is just as dull and empty as mine. We cant hate each other; we should be friends to overcome our troubles. My co-wife and I are like two cellmates. We only have each other. There is not much room for antagonism or hard feelings. I have 5 children, she has 4. She occupies a more privileged position within our family because she has a son. I have given birth only to daughters so far. We are both educated, but she is so obsessed with kids that she has given herself up. I am still trying to grasp at non-existent straws; probably one day I will be freed. I read books, keep myself informed and like to think. She is not remotely interested in reading books or thinking. I am alone. Sometimes I think of running away, but I have 5 daughters. I can neither leave them, nor run away with them. Actually, I am stuck. Even though I left Islam a long time ago, I cannot stop praying or fasting. My husband keeps a rod for the disobedient. When I try to protest, my mouth is shut up with quotes from the Quran. Islam defines our lives. Isnt it stupid that people live according to a book written a long time ago? I am not whining about my life but I do hate Islam. At least I could object to certain traditions but Islam preserved the worst in our culture, reducing women into slavery and keeping them ignorant. What can you expect from an uneducated woman? When I look at my daughters, I pray that they may live in a free world, free from Islam and this slavery.
Yagmur Dursun is a pen name. Some details of this story have been changed to hide the identity of the author
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